Let’s makes picks strictly off of mascot ferocity.
Let’s face it, you’re not going to win your bracket pool by picking on knowledge, so throw caution to the wind and pick teams my way: solely based on which mascot is the most ferocious in a mythical octagon.
You’re probably thinking of an octagon sized to contain two MMA fighters. But you mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling. We’ve got elephants, grizzly bears, literal herds of buffalo, and an entire religious sect among our list. So take the term octagon as a figure of speech.
And when we mention mascots, we’re talking the literal versions, not the plush costumes that are cute and cuddly. Also, when the physical mascot is an animal that doesn’t match the team’s nickname (Texas A&M, Tennessee, etc.), we’ll use the literal embodiment of the nickname. Except for Miami. The Canes are represented, and that’s easier than creating barometric pressure conditions inside an octagon that mimic a Category 5.
Alright, let’s play this thing out.
(Editor’s note: No animals were harmed in the production of this article.)
Gotta love Virginia’s dude on a horse with a sword to get all the way to the Sweet 16 — particularly against regular dude in a large wildcat head repping Kansas State. I’m going to break my own rule and say that Kansas State will be represented by the dude in the head in our fictional octagon.
With the cavalier, however, I think a bull could topple that dude off the horse in then, and then it’d be curtains for him rather quickly. It’s basically a bull fight at that point, and this guy doesn’t have sufficient matador skills.
Photo by Doug Pensinger/Getty Images
Tennessee’s mascot is a dude with a musket. That’s highly …read more